I never really cared about pigeons one way or another until I moved to our farm, but now I can quite clearly state that I hate them. They are a pooping, disgusting bird and I am being kind.
If you believe life on a farm is one tranquil moment after another with the hens cackling, the kittens playing, the horses trotting about, then you missed my day today… by a long shot.
Our hay barn is roughly 20 feet tall with a vent at the very top. A screened vent, no less to keep disgusting birds like pigeons out. However, a long time ago, years I am guessing the screen came partly loose which gave the pigeons not only a way in, but a place to perch. In their perching time, they also pooped, a lot…for a long time. So when we moved in, our hay barn had a vent with a screen and a solid foot or two of pigeon poop. High up, hard to get to, and completely disgusting.
Today was the day. I was already dirty (what a surprise) so I decided it was time to get that poop down! My idea was to set our orchard ladder off to one side and pull the screen down with my 12 foot tree trimming tool, thereby bringing the poop down as well. By setting the ladder to the side, when the poop avalanche came, it would miss me.
I called the teen to come out to the barn, just in case I fell of the ladder (which unfortunately has happened before), besides I don’t really like going up ladders so I needed the moral support. The only good thing I can say about this particular pack of poop was that it was dry, dusty, but dry which at this point was a good thing. The teen and I decided, that I should add a wide-brimmed hat to my outfit mostly for the protection when the poop avalanche came.
Everything about my plan worked, except putting the ladder off to the side. The screen opened up and that big old pack of poop came down and hit me square on the head. The hat did help, until I had to pull the rest of the screen off. I had to tilt my head back so much that the hat wouldn’t stay on, so I got the screen off and got dusty old pigeon poop in my eyes and ears as well. I was covered from head to toe. I hate pigeons.
The hay barn is looking a lot cleaner and I feel sort of victorious, (now that I have had a shower). However, I would love to ban all pigeons at our farm. Number One son’s next visit needs to be spent on his target practice and the pigeons as his target. In fact, I’m thinking of bringing in Number Two son from NYC for the weekend to give him some back up.
Yuck, yuck, yuck! I am so glad all I had to do while I visited was move a big old pile of wood. Thank God the shower didn’t stop working!!!
Too funny. Now you have to get the vent back up so more pigeons don.t leave more gifts.
Hello Ellen! Just had to share that I laughed out loud at this post. You do brighten my day with your stories of life on the farm and your funny wit. Thank you for sharing and making me smile.
Too bad my Number One Son just left for college…..he would be more than happy to help with target practice!
Oh Ellen! I’ve told you this before, but I love reading your blog! Whenever I am at my wits end and about to lose it at work, I take 5, 10, or 20 minutes (sometimes I get all caught up in it), and laugh out loud. Such a stress reliever. Then, of course, I have to share your stories with my co-workers because they are wondering what is so funny in an escrow office!
Be well – take care – miss you down here! Erik
Ellen, how do you find the most disgusting jobs? And then do them? Hats off to you…. (pun intended) You need that guy from the TV show “Dirty Jobs” to come to your farm. Sounds like he could do a whole month’s worth of filming there.